To Be Continued.

Believe in love. Believe in magic.
Hell, believe in Santa Claus. Believe in others.
Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams.
Because if you don't, who will?

it's scary, isn't it? when your entire future suddenly changes right in front of you. and all your dreams of what would be suddenly fall apart. when what you believed in all along suddenly becomes a lie - and you can't do anything about it.

looking back, yeah i know i was - and still am - far from perfect. i've made so many mistakes it's impossible to even try counting. but i've learned a lot during this time. i've learned that opening up to those i love emboldens and strengthens me. i've learned that friends always make you smile. i've learned that timing means everything. i've learned what it means to fall in and fall out of love. i've learned never to just take anything for granted. and i'm thankful for this. i once thought that if i just tried my best - did all that i could - that that would be enough. but sometimes, it simply isn't. each moment in life passes by only once.. and when you miss that one chance, well.. there's nothing you can do to bring it back.

but do i regret anything? i used to.. but not anymore. the thing is, once i pushed myself past my limits, poured my heart out, and made it out alive, i had nothing to regret. it simply made me realize that, well, what we had.. this was all it was ever going to be. our love.. it was only to this extent. sure, it's worth fighting for.. but to what end? you know, i almost.. no, i did let this situation make me feel worthless and impossible to love. i felt as if i'd go crazy, as if the world had ended for me. funny thing is, once all the anger and tears had finished their course, i learned it was only fear that kept me in this standstill. fear of being alone, being hurt, being betrayed again.

i guess all i'm saying is that sometimes, reality loves to slap you in the face. things happen that you don't expect. and it will hurt, sometimes a lot. but - no matter what happens - it's only one chapter in your life. maybe a poorly written one, but a chapter nonetheless. and for me, my story definitely isn't over. it's just begun.

I believed in Santa Claus once, too.

As long as you have memories, yesterday remains.
As long as you have hope, tomorrow still awaits.

a lot has been going on in my life at the moment, too much to say. if you know me well enough, you'll know that GREEK is like my favourite show to watch of all time. i don't even know how many times i've rewatched their episodes. and one of the reasons why i love it so much is that - somehow - something happens in the show that i can always relate to at that time in my life. and i just wanted to write down one of the conversations that two of the characters had with each other:

R: Love at first sight...you really believe in that?
E: ...You don't?
R: shakes head. I learned it's purely chemical. The high you get from perceiving someone as romantically appealing is simply your brain responding to endorphin boosts based on visual stimuli and pheromones.
E: That's very clinical...and cynical. It's clinically cynical.
R: It's a biological response.
E: So love...doesn't exist.
R: Nope. I believe in dating and relationships, but...love is a myth.

-//-

E: True love.
R: Please, it's just a silly movie. It's not real - there's no such thing.
E: ...So you weren't in love with Cappie?
R: No. Were you in love with Casey?
E: ...Yeah, I think so.
R: Yah, well you're not with her now. So what does that say about true love?
E: It doesn't mean it can't happen.
R: Like it did with my parents? Or yours? Not exactly the earth-shattering, life-altering revelation they make it out to be in the movies.
E: That doesn't mean it's not real.
R: Do you have proof?
E: No. I just believe in it.
R: smiles. I believed in Santa Claus once, too.