The tragedy of life
Is not that it ends so soon,
But that we wait so long to begin it.
for quite some time now, my parents have been discussing with my brother about his future - how'll he improve his grades, what'll he become, where'll he go - all that jazz. they're trying to 'motivate' him to do better. don't get me wrong, i'm not at all against motivating people to study harder and pushing them forward with their lives. but that 'pushing' - it still has to come within reason. if someone wants to go one direction, but you're putting all your effort into pushing him the other way - you're bound to reach a standstill.
my brother's in grade 10. well, technically grade 11 now. he doesn't have the slightest idea of what he wants to become or where he wants to be in the next few years - and how many grade 10s can say that they do? all he knows is that he loves art and history. and that's about it. he's not bad at them, but not the greatest either. and that's what's getting my dad all..controlling, for lack of a better word. dad believes that history won't get him anywhere. he also believes my brother won't make it in that area [wow, this made my brother ever so much more motivated]. and of course, he believes that my brother should take computers because he has 'potential' in it. just like him. now, i find that to be quite a biased opinion. [in more than a few words - (1) my brother absolutely dislikes that course, (2) he's getting lower in it than he is in the courses he loves, and (3) he only believes my brother has potential in it because he knows he can help him along the way. trust, i've seen and helped my brother write programs - he's not much of an enthusiast, or trier, with them.] but even in knowing all this, my dad still wants him to drop his art course to take computers. why? beats me. but i am definitely not going to let it happen.
i'm not trying to rebel against my dad or anything, but i believe that my brother should do what he loves to do. he might not know what he wants to do with those subjects later on in life, but i didn't know what i really wanted to do until pretty late too. yeah, my brother isn't really one that's motivated to get high marks or work hard - but he can definitely remember a lot more than me regarding historic events. and i think he's just waiting for some inspiration, maybe a eureka moment. the story of Peter Pan opens with, "All children, except one, grow up." some may take a little, or more than a little, longer than others - but, all the same, they will grow up and realize who they want to become. everything will fall into place in its own time. but for now, i say let him live his life.
aww this is my favourite post so far. you know your brother well =). and I love the Peter Pan references.
ReplyDeletein defense(-ish) of parents, there's two main challenges. first, even though parents like to be encouraging, they do have an image of their children in their mind, and ultimately the want their kids to live up to that image. after 16 years, it can be hard to accept that your kid wants to take on a different route.
from the point of the guardian, it's easy to see their own image as ideal - not just as the best, but as the simplest. sometimes it just seems easier for their kid to do computers 'cause they did it and it turned out well, but the kid may not like it, or struggle.
my sister and I have a larger age gap, and sometimes I find myself imagining how she lives her school life, and what I imagine becomes expectations. I was quite disappointed when she ditched the school band earlier this year (I was in three orchestras in junior high), and it took a while to accept that it was probably for the best. amusingly, she sometimes criticizes me for joining too many music groups back then, so even those younger than you can lay expectations =P.
secondly, it's generally hard for Asian parents to accept the arts. there's a view that science, computers, and business lead people to success. arts, not as much. even as a kid learning piano, my parents were already telling me not to make a living out of it. well, that's motivation =/
even now, as an Artsci student, my mom wants me to get over the arts components as soon as I can - not only as to finish the requirements, but ending that section as if I'm going through an "artsy phase" in my life. My dad's slightly more supportive, suggesting that I can do what I want. As long as I end up in med school. hmmm
with your brother, I hope he continues to take what he wants to take, cause art and history are beautiful disciplines, and there's nothing better than the feeling at the end that you've accomplished something you set out to do, instead of something someone has told you to do. best of luck "rebelling" as well. parents will realize at some point, with adjusting to their "ideal child models", that their child is finally growing up to his/her own expectations, though sometimes it takes a while =).